playstopMinus the Bear - Pachuca Sunrise

I don't expect to see you every free moment you have. I don't expect you to put your friends second to me. I don't expect to you to check in with me every single time you go out. But I do expect you to keep your word. I expect you to know better than to make plans with me and then go out LATE the night before. I know you haven't hung out with him in a while. Honest to God, that is fine by me, go hang out with him, but I would've rathered you cancelling our plans to hang with him. Instead you had a pretense of "Yes, you'd be able to get up to come see me." I know it's not easy to come see me, I know it's a hassle, esp. having to get up that early. I would've understood.

And I feel I keep wasting my efforts for you.
Time and again shit happens and things don't go according to plan. I know, but you should also know this could've been prevented.

Pass?

And then you went back to sleep. If you were tired, just tell me so. Tell me you're going to sleep so I don't think, "Hmmm maybe he's fucking with me and is trying to surprise me." Coz when you do that, I assume. And when I assume, I make an ass outta you and me. So ultimately I guess it's my fault.

I'm starting to get tired of people.

If you tell me your problems and ask for my opinion, I'll give you my honest opinion as a first and foremost an outsider, and then as a friend. Admittedly it doesn't come out as eloquently as I imagined and comes out rather harshly, but that is only because I'm telling you exactly everything that is coming to mind.
I'm tired of feeling attacked by people who come to me for help. I'm saying what is on my mind with intention to help, not hurt you.
And the moment you attack me for giving my honest opinion, I will no shit snap back. You get mad at me for cutting you off? Boy, you don't fucking realize you do that shit to me. ALL. THE. TIME. And the only reason I fucking cut you off is because you are justifying yourself, and I have already acknowledge that! I KNOW why you doing it, but I still believe that you're wasting your time.

YOU come to ME with YOUR issues, asking for my help and the moment I say something you don't want to hear, I'm the bad guy?
That shit is fucked on all kinds of levels.

Then there are those who turn to me when they say "I've got no one else." And I'm there to listen, talk, whatever you need. But the moment shit gets better, I'm suddenly invisible, right? Well that's how it feels sometimes.

You wonder why I don't have many friends? Coz they come when they need me and leave when they don't. They disrespect me and when I put them in their place, I'm the one in the wrong. People are hypocrites, only difference is, I acknowledge my own hypocrisy when present.

Tonight is just one of those nights.

playstopArmin Van Buuren ft. Laura V - Drowning

I haven't had such an amazing summer as this passed one. And this is to the summer.

Pass?

To the to the sunsets that became sunrises, to the silences that were filled with laughters, strangers that became family, to the hearts that were filled with memories and to the photos that will be a reminder of unforgettable moments.

Pass?

That's right yall. Today is my boyfriend's and my 3 year and 4 month anniversary. He came to surprise me :)
We went to grab breakfast with a couple friends and then he and I went to PetCo to lookit the hamsters. I adore hamsters (heart) We picked up some stuff for Maks, our cat and when we got back to the car, his car was dead and wouldn't start up! We called up his lil bro and got his to jump his car. Poor boyfriend got late to work though I think (sweat)
But ANYWAYS, after coming home, my day was ruined. I needa give yall a bit of background first, just to show the dynamics of the friendship, so ok. We met in highschool and had mutual friends, but we weren't friends ourselves. The year prior to last, I lived in TN and I met this friend again, let's call him Mike. So Mike is a good friend of my ex and so that's another thing that kinda affects our friendship, but that's not the point. Mike and I were really good friends that year, but nearing the end of the year, he started to become really needy and acted as though I was obligated to hang with him and just, I dunno, he took a lot of my jokes personally, but wouldn't tell me they bothered him until he was really fed up and then he'd throw it all in my face and so I just kinda stopped feeling that closeness of friendship with him.
That year when I came back to Cali, he was deployed and so I barely talked to him. Coming back from TN this passed summer, I haven't texted him or anything, kinda slipped my mind. But he hasn't tried to contact me either. And just earlier I saw him on AIM so I aimed him.

• [17:00] Mike: hey
• [17:00] Mike: whats up
• [17:01] imctina: nothing chillin you?
• [17:02] Mike: bout to head out
• [17:02] imctina: boo alright i guess imma catch ya another time then?
• [17:02] Mike: you can text me
• [17:03] imctina: your phone works?
• [17:03] Mike: yea
• [17:03] Mike: when hasnt it work?
• [17:03] imctina: oh iono haha
• [17:03] Mike: sounds like an excuse to me (It was at this moment I started to get offended)
  
• [17:03] imctina: whoa whoa an excuse to do what
• [17:03] imctina: ?
• [17:04] Mike: an excuse on why you havent talked to me since you been back =(
• [17:04] imctina: you havent talked to me either..
• [17:05] Mike: because i been so upset that you been gone that i filled up my time with other stuff
• [17:05] imctina: THAT sounds like an excuse
• [17:05] Mike: its true
• [17:06] imctina: and its true that I legitimately thought your phone wasnt workin

Like... really? Maybe I'm making a big deal about it, but when someone belittles my efforts as a friend, that makes me belittle theirs and I honestly felt he was attacking me. Like if I was trying not to talk to you, I wouldn't have aimed you in the first place and we wouldn't ever talk, seeing as how you never make an effort to text, aim, or facebook me.
Like if I consider you my friend, that really is saying something, b/c believe me, I've been backstabbed and treated poorly by way too many times that I take it seriously when someone questions my friendship. That pretty much makes me reconsider where I stand in the friendship and makes me question your place in my circle of friends.

Like sometimes I don't even wanna deal with my eldest brother. He's so damn stuck up sometimes, I can't ask a simple question without him makin me feel like my question was dumb.

He's been back from Japan for the past 3 weeks or so and is leaving tomorrow. He decides to buy a shit load of Ghirardelli chocolates for his coworkers/students. So I'm watching my momma pack his chocolates and I ask him, "Aren't you worried your chocolates are gonna melt?" And he says to me, "There's not much I can do about it." with the most matter-of-factly, no-shit-you're-so-dumb tone and I'm just like wtf? (annoy) If you were smart about it, you wouldn't have bought some damn chocolates to bring back to your posse, in the middle of summer!

But it's not just that though. Like, I swear, he goes outta his way to make me feel bad and make me feel like I don't belong. He treats me so damn differently than he does my other siblings. He treats me like an outsider and doesn't even make an effort to talk to me. It's upsetting, yea. But honestly at this point I'm just apathetic about the whole situation. He doesn't want me in his life, I won't try to keep him in mine. (apathy)

I hope today will be a good one. I've been needing a one-on-one with the boyfriend. We've been together and we've talked, but I feel like we haven't talked. It bugs the shit outta me. Is it that we're becoming distant? No, it's all me. I let my surroundings determine my mood and pushed him away. I miss him dearly though. We've been needing a heart to heart. (heart)

I guess we never were as close as I thought we were anyways.

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